Useless (youngwilliam) wrote,


May I present the common household Dermestid Beetle..

Long ago when the world was young, Dermestid Beetle was the king of all insects. His shell held colors unknown in the rainbow, his flight could outwing that of the most alert dragonfly, his cunning was beyond that of any wasp or spider, his strength outmatched any Goliath beetle and his swiftness left cockroaches and water-striders far behind.

But kinghood over the insects wasn't enough for Dermestid Beetle. He looked at how the larger mammals and reptiles outshone the insects in size and fame and felt that he should be king of all animals. Mankind held the throne for that, so Dermestid Beetle entered the home of Mankind to learn their secrets.

There, Dermestid Beetle saw Mankind feed on plants and animals, both predator and prey. Dermestid Beetle saw Mankind feed stones to fire to make metals, feed wood to fire for warmth, and eventually feed their fallen to the earth in graves. Dermestid Beetle realized that to top Mankind, he would have to learn to feed on as many things, if not more things, than Mankind.

Dermestid Beetle climbed trees and tried to eat the wood, his wings growing short and stubby and ill-suited for flight. Dermestid Beetle climbed among the rocks to try to eat them, his speed slowed by the stones in his belly. Dermestid Beetle chewed on leads and metals, his cunning slipping away. Dermestid Beetle dined on mud, the soil dulling his bright colors and leaving him a dusty brown and black.

When Mankind needed to clear the tissue off of skeletons for museums, they looked for a mindless chewing insect to assist them, and found their assistant in the dull Dermestid Beetle that will attempt to eat paint and plastic if given the chance, and who often dies in pantry glasses due to forgetting that they can fly.

Dermestid Beetle looked at this situation from the inside and thought to itself, "Mankind looks after us in special labs and yet they aren't any further in learning about us. They pay us tribute in unlimited food and a cozy environment. We truly are the kings of all animals, now."
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