Useless (youngwilliam) wrote,
Useless
youngwilliam

Ed's Redeeming Qualities -- More Bad Times

Much like the other album by Ed's Redeeming Qualities that I own, they didn't include lyrics and nobody really seems to have put much effort into transcribing said lyrics.

Fortunately, I've a nifty little program called Audacity that can slow a song by 50%, then crank the pitch back up without changing the speed itself, making the folks very helpfully sing at half normal speed (or even slower, if need be. Yes, I'm looking at you, "Things that Scare Me").


More Bad Times
All songs published by Ed's Quality Music
1990 Flying Fish Records


Carrie Bradley (violin, guitar, xylophone, vocals)
Dan Leone (ukulele, little uke, vocals)
Neno Perrotta (bongos, rice in a coffee can, vocals)

01. Camouflage (3:20)


Saw you at McDonald's and your earrings dropped a bomb
And your fifty dollar hairdo didn't do, it did you wrong
I can see I'll never see you at the sandbox anymore
But I can't see why you dress up like my mom

Your new pantyhose won't cover up your rusty swing set scars
I'm too old to cry, too young to sing the blues. You've gone too far
You took the first train to the farthest place and left me wondering
Will a matchbox hold my Matchbox cars?

You don't count anymore
You won't go to the candy store
You're just a kid in a backyard game
I don't even know your name

Martha, Mabel, maybe Lynn
Put more makeup on your skin
There's a can of paint in my garage
You'd look good in camouflage

I hear you've got a boyfriend and he's in the seventh grade
So I guess you've got a thing for older men. You've got it made
You'll have a car when you're in High School and a kid when you're in college
And you'll die before you ever get afraid

You don't count anymore
You won't go to the candy store
You're just a kid in a backyard game
I don't even know your name

Martha, Mabel, maybe Lynn
Put more makeup on your skin
There's a can of paint in my garage
You'd look good in camouflage


02. Spoken Word (3:12)


When I'm all alone at night, I turn on the radio
I listen to some music or I try to find a talk show
Just between me and you, every word they say is true
Someone speaks to me, someone tries to sell me something

I believe them.

I believe in the power of the spoken word
Every thing that I have ever heard
Makes sense to me.
And if you've got a better way then sit me down and tell me what to do
And I'll believe you, too.

When I hear a ring at night I pick up the telephone
It's usually some salesman who wants to talk about light-bulbs
I don't have much choice, and it's always good to hear a voice
Someone speaks to me, some guy tries to sell me something.

I believe him.

I believe in the power of the spoken word
Every thing that I have ever heard
Makes sense to me.
And if you've got a better way then sit me down and tell me what to do
And I'll believe you, too.

Oh, such responsibility
So good to have so many people trusting you

I believe in the power of the spoken word
Every thing that I have ever heard
Makes sense to me.
And if you've got a better way then set me down and tell me what to do
And I'll believe you, too.

I'll believe in you.


03. Bob (1:58)


Your name is Bob and there's nothing you can do
The ladies won't go out with you
Because your name is Bob

You wear a suit, three pieces made of cotton
And you're hoping for a tie because you know you can't win
When your name is Bob

Bob
It's a name that means Robert
Bob
It's a name you don't want
Bob
It's a name that you have
Bob
If you put the letters backwards
It still says Bob
Bob

Your name is Bob and there's nothing you can do
The doctors and nurses won't examine you
Because your name is Bob

Your name is Bob and that's something you can't change
Your parents and neighbors all think that you're strange
Because your name is Bob

Bob
It's a name that means Robert
Bob
It's a name you don't want
Bob
It's a name that you have
Bob
If you put the letters backwards
It still says Bob
Which is a name that means Robert
Bob
It's a name you don't want
Bob
It's a name that you have
Bob
If you put the letters backwards
It still says Bob
Bob
Bob
Bob
Bob
Bob


04. Sad (4:24)


There's a fire in the attic
A flood in the basement
But I just can't get out of bed

There's a cop at the door
A snake on the floor
And a mad dog is licking my head

The mattress is hot
My skin hurts a lot
The blankets are pulling my hair

My feet feel like bricks
My legs, like sticks
But my eyes just lie here and stare

Don't call his mother
Or send for a doctor
Just lock all the doors and take out the phone
Burn all his money
And sell all his clothes
Give him some water and leave him alone

Because he's never been sadder
And we know what's the matter
It's his brain that is all out of whack
She left him this way
And he promised to stay
Until she changes her mind and comes back.

There's a bomb on my pillow
My face feels like jell-o
The ceiling is starting to fall

I can't help but from thinking
That the whole house is singing
And there's a hurricane out in the hall

I know that it's stupid
To stay in this bed
The smell, here, is making me blind

It's hard to keep cool
But I've acted like a fool
Of the biggest and very worst kind

Don't call his mother
Or send for a doctor
Just lock all the doors and take out the phone
Burn all his money
And sell all his clothes
Give him some water and leave him alone

Because he's never been sadder
And we know what's the matter
It's his brain that is all out of whack
She left him this way
And he promised to stay
Until she changes her mind and comes back.


05. The Boy I Work With (2:51)


The boy I work with
Told me about
The pigeon he killed in an out-door bar

The pigeon
Landed on his brand new beer
So he throttled it and threw it down

The boy I work with
Told me about
The rats in the store-room at his last job

He told me
He waged a genocide
In revenge against the rat that almost took him down

The boy I work with
Told me he'd take care of me
And somehow, I believe him

The boy I work with
Told me about
The sea-gulls he fed Alka-Seltzer

Their insides
Blew out
And they fell in a straight line into the Atlantic

The boy I work with
Is the man I live with, now
And sometimes, I don't sleep well at night

He always
Kills his demons
If he can kill his demons, he can kill anything

The man I live with
Tells me he'll take care of me
And somehow, I believe him


06. Buck Tempo (2:52)


I don't know the time
And I don't know the day of the week
Or the month, or the year, or my name

I don't understand
Why it seems so important
To be somewhere when you're not sure why you came.

I broke my watch
When I put up my calendar
I left my map on the roof of my car

I need somebody
To make it seem worth it
To search for a lightswitch or reach for a star

Would you be my clock
If I promised not to hang you
Too close to the window or the picture of the Pope

I won't set you back
And I won't push you forward
I just want to look in your face and see hope.

So much to do
And so much time to do it
I try hard to concentrate, I try hard to think

I got a new oven
It cooks food in twelve seconds
Now I'm eating so quick, I've got hours to drink

Time's unpredictable
Just when you think
You've learned how to save it, you spend the whole day on hold

I need someone
Who can show me the difference
Between using it wisely and just growing cold

Would you be my clock
If I promised not to hang you
Too close to the window or the picture of the Pope

I won't set you back
And I won't push you forward
I just want to look in your face and see hope.


07. Cheese Grater (0:28)


I chipped your tooth
Shaking grated cheese into your mouth

I don't know why I did it
What's done is done
What's done is done


08. Too Pretty (2:36)


There was a big airplane
That came to this place
Off of that airplane, there steps a true face

She had eyes like the water
Hair like the sand
Lips like the flower I held in my hand

She was so pretty
And she had eyes like the sea
She was so pretty
And she was looking at me
She was so pretty
She had hair like the sun
She was so pretty
And she was looking for fun

A little while later
I knocked at her door
I gave her that flower but she wanted much more

I didn't have money
I barely had clothes
All I could give her was one tiny rose

She was so pretty
And she had eyes like the sea
She was so pretty
And she was looking at me
She was so pretty
She had hair like the sun
She was so pretty
And she was looking for fun

We walked in the jungle
She wanted to play
I told her I loved her, I asked her to stay

She said she couldn't
And we started to touch
She gave me something that I wanted so much

She was so pretty
And she had eyes like the sea
She was so pretty
And she was looking at me
She was so pretty
She had hair like the sun
She was so pretty
But she was having her fun

The next day she left me
With that rose in my hand
Her eyes on the water and our love on the sand

Yes I still love her
I still love that thing
That put me in heaven and left me to sing

She was too pretty
And she had eyes like the sea
She was too pretty
And she was looking at me
She was too pretty
She had hair like the sun
She was too pretty
But I was nothing but fun

She was too pretty


09. A Little Thing (4:31)


He's watching my feet
Son of a gun is taking notes
Why did I consent to let him interview me
Before I took his old clawfoot bathtub home

I'm watching his eyes
He can see I let my rust-stains corrode
I want his tub and he's selling it cheap
He wants it to go to a loving home

I'll love his bathtub
Trying to improve my home
It's just a little thing I'm asking
He doesn't trust me, since I don't have a phone.

Do I have a yard?
Am I quick to anger?
I told them I'd adopt this old one-eyed tomcat
Jeeze, they're making it hard.

I have a steady income
Never snuffed bugs in a mason jar
But they're handing me forms and showing me the door
Like a cat would end up in the trunk of my car!

I'll love their tomcat
Trying to improve my home
It's just a little thing I'm asking
They don't trust me, because I live alone

I saw this city
From the train to Saint Louis
Looked like a good place to go

A good place to start my
Private practice
Leaving here, they all seem to know

He's drinking my tea
He hasn't asked if I wanted to go
I had a nice time, but I want to fill my new bathtub
I don't need him to keep away the cold

I 'll love his absence
Trying to improve my home
It's just a little thing I'm asking
It's just a little thing I'm asking


10. New Distributor Cap (2:37)


You rolled in here, looking so clean
I'm a garbage pail
I smell like sweat and gasoline
There's dirt and grease under my nails

I tell you what, I'll take a shower
When I get your car all fixed
My shoes will shine and I'll smell like soap
We'll go get fish and chips

I'll change your points to make a point
Your spark plugs, I will gap
And if your car won't start in the rain:
New distributor cap

Will you love me if I fix your car?
Will you drive away?
Will you love me if I fix your car?
I'll fix it, anyway.

People like us like each other
Hardly ever fails
Maybe you can plant a garden
And get dirt under your nails

Maybe you can sweat like me
I think you'd like to sweat
I'll show you how to change your oil
If you don't know how, yet

I'll change your points to make a point
Your spark plugs, I will gap
And if your car won't start in the rain:
New distributor cap

Will you love me if I fix your car?
Will you drive away?
Will you love me if I fix your car?
I'll fix it, anyway.

Ah, ah, ah, ah


11. Things That Scare Me (4:13)


Get back on the camel
It's a small, small leap
She said, I can't, I'm made of straw
It's a bumpy ride, and if I fall, I'm down for weeks

And the voice said:
I hold the camera
I'm the king of the weeks
Why do you wear your face like that?
She said, I don't want to know what you mean

Here are the things that scare you
I am your urge to sleep
She said, I got to call a friend
And run, you run, you run, you run…

Here are the things that scare me
And I'll meet you if you dare me
And I'll bring the things that scare me
Cause I love them. Out my window
Out my window, boats are drowning
My head hears sounds of loud things
And the loud things always scare me
So, I don't think I can stay for long.

And the voice said:
Nah, nah, you thought that was good
Nah, nah, you thought that would last
Nah, nah, you thought that was good
Nah, nah, you thought that would last

She said, you're the cutest
And you bore me.
You're a fine one to talk

Look out the window
She sees her own face on the moon
It's dark outside
The house is on
The TV's on
The TV's off
The house is off
It's light inside
Oh, run, you run, you run
You run, you run…

Oh, don't think you can scare me
Don't think you can scare me
Don't think you can scare me
Don't think you can…

You're the things that scare me
And I'll meet you if you dare me
And I'll bring the things that scare me
Cause I love them. Out my window
Out my window, boats are drowning
My head hears sounds of loud things
And the loud things always scare me
So I don't think I can stay for long.

And the voice said:
Nah, nah, you thought that was good
Nah, nah, you thought that would last
Nah, nah, you thought that was good
Nah, nah, you thought that would last


12. Virginia (2:42)


It was cold in the house so I slept in my car
And I steamed up the windows and it started to rain
And I dreamed about sex and I dreamed about lepers
And I woke up doing 85 in the passing lane

I didn't have a map so I went to Virginia
Because I know how to get there and because that's my girlfriend's name
So I was in Virginia and Virginia was in Boston
Boston was indifferent, Virginia was the same

I need a new place to go
A new place where people wear their clothes inside-out
Where everyone was born on UFOs
First I'll learn their language, then I'll ask them out

I was talking to a girl at a truck stop in Texas
We were counting up our problems; I had the most
I held her hand, then I told her I was lonely
She got up and left; I ate her toast


13. Lawn Dart (3:11)


It was the third of July and the weather was fine
Ed brought the hot dogs, the croquet set was mine
But the red ball was missing, three mallets were bent
Ed suggested lawn darts, so to K-Mart we went

We looked by the yard games, we looked by the grills
But we couldn't find lawn darts over water or hill
So we talked to the sales-clerk but she started to cry
She said they're off the shelves now, and she told us both why

A kid was pegged in the head with a lawn dart
Her dad didn't see her, that's the worst part
She was pegged in the head with a lawn dart
So they're now off the shelves at the K-Mart

We both felt so bad that we gave up the search
Ed went to bed and I went to church
Now we never grill hot dogs and we don't play yard games
Since we heard that sad story, things just aren't the same

She was pegged in the head with a lawn dart
Her dad didn't see her, that's the worst part
She was pegged in the head with a lawn dart
So they're now off the shelves at the K-Mart


14. Mrs. Price (1:02)


She's Mrs. Price
The lovely Mrs. Price
She said she'd meet us at the state house
Yet she's as nervous as a little field mouse

She's Mrs. Price
The lovely Mrs. Price
With breakfast, she may be late
For with the dentist, she's made a date

She's athletically built
She's going to play some tennis
She's loaded with guilt
She's going to the dentist

Mrs. Price
Mrs. Price
Mrs. Price
For only $30
You can stay
The day
With Mrs. Price.

Doo doo doo
Mrs. Price
Doo doo doo
Mrs. Price

Mrs. Price.



15. I'm Not Eating, I'm Not Anything (4:31)


Outside, the dogs are barking
Barking at me
And all the cars are parking
Down on the street
My window blinds are closed
It's getting dark in my apartment
But I won't turn the lights on, because I don't care to see

Now the telephone is ringing
Ringing for me
And the next door neighbor's singing
Singing "Born Free"
I'm sitting on the floor
And now I think I hear the doorbell
But I'm not going to get it, because I don't want company

Now the TV set is blinking
It's on the blink
And the garbage started stinking
Or is it me?
My head is dripping sweat but I don't think I'll turn the heat down
Because I don't have the time to, and I've had too much to drink.

Now the record player's skipping
Right over me
The next door neighbor's tripping
On LSD
His world is getting funny, it is slipping on bananas
And mine is just like his but it's already lost its feet

My girlfriend went away
Because I sent her
She took the clothes I gave her
And the money that I lent her
She was bent on making me just as make-believe as she was
Because the real world is Exit Only, she can never enter.

So I plug my nose and close my eyes and stuff my ears with cotton
And I'll stick my head beneath the kitchen sink until I've forgotten
And the food in my refrigerator can all go rotten
I'm not eating, I'm not anything, until she gives up on me

And the space inside my head will be the world that I live in
Because she just kept forgetting, I just kept forgiving
And if I break down, it's because she was driven
I'm not eating, I'm not anything, until she gives up on me.


16. Poem (2:28)


I look in the mirror, there's nothing to fear there
But my nose is plain on my face
My eyes aren't limpid pools
But they were, they'd swish it all over the place
My lips aren't cherries but if they were
It's hard to say what I'd eat
My ears aren't little shells but if they were,
I couldn't hear myself think

People tell me I look down
But I'm always standing 66 inches off the ground
People tell me I’m glowing, or they tell me to cool down
But the light never changes and my heat's small enough for this town

My thighs aren't milky and my toes aren't cute
And no-one calls my hair "locks".
I've never worn gossamer, I always sleep in my socks.
I've never seen my mind's eye because my head gets in the way
I've never seen my heart strings but I know how to play

I am flesh and bone
I can't live by bread alone
I am water, I am organs
But you can't drink me and you can't sing a poem

I need meals and sleep
But there's something in my soul
No-one can call it, but I think I'm on a roll

I am flesh and bone
I can't live by bread alone
I am water, I am organs
But you can't drink me and you can't sing a poem

I need meals and sleep
But there's something in my soul
No-one can call it, but I think I'm on a roll


17. More Bad Times (3:14)


One two three, two two three

You twisted your ankle, I carried you
You got a divorce, so I married you
You fell off a cliff, so I buried you
I wish there were more bad times to see you through

You never had rabies
You never gained weight
You never came home with a scar

You never drank poison
You watched what you ate
You never so much as put a scratch on my car.

You twisted your ankle, I carried you
You got a divorce, so I married you
You fell off a cliff, so I buried you
I wish there were more bad times to see you through

You never got measles
You never had gout
You never suggested charades

You never got dizzy
You never fell out
You never picked up any live hand grenades

So many things did go wrong
But the list is not long enough
Not enough bad things to fill up a song

You twisted your ankle, I carried you
You got a divorce, so I married you
You fell off a cliff, so I buried you
I wish there were more bad times to see you through

You never lost contacts
You never leaked oil
You never fell to sticks and stones

You never drank cleanser
You never ate foil
You never choked on any big chicken bones

You twisted your ankle, I carried you
You got a divorce, so I married you
You fell off a cliff, so I buried you
I wish there were more bad times to see you through



More details

And there's an entire performance of theirs on YouTube, from April 21st 1991, in at least 11 parts.
Tags: le musique
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