Useless (youngwilliam) wrote,
Useless
youngwilliam

Surrender, Dorothy!

So yeah, that Oz thing.


So! My big problem with this (other than it being ludicrous and horrid) is that I've no clue exactly what's reasonable for 'sex acts per film'. Still, I'm thinking it could be pared down to five or so.

Beginning is very much like the canonical film. Black and white, Dorothy Gale on the farm pining for another life. About the only change might be to have the guy in the wagon be a bit more leering than he is in the original. Kind've like Aqualung.

Tornado, off is whisked Dorothy's house, bam on the Wicked Witch of the East. Glinda arrives and explains it all, and here's the first instance of sex (Glinda/Dorothy), although it could just be in passing given the subsequent motif of dissatisfaction on Dorothy's libido's part.

Dorothy trucks on down the road and runs into the Scarecrow. The Scarecrow, being an animated scarecrow (by.. Mombie? I think the witch was Mombie. The one who also made Jack Pumpkinhead and the Sawhorse?), is not anatomically correct. I'm envisioning a corn-cob down there. Potential for demi-sex (Dorothy solo w/ cob) at this point, with the Scarecrow basically snapping off his cob to hand it to Dorothy, "Here, might as well enjoy yourself" in a tragi-comedic way.

More trucking on down the road and you've the Tin Woodsman. Since all his parts were replaced as they were cut off, there's a good chance he's anatomically correct, but since he's tin he really can't feel anything. So, it's basically a piston down there. I was considering adding an involved party for each met companion, so this'd be Dorothy/Scarecrow/Woodsman, but eh.. seems a bit much. So it's Dorothy/Woodsman, but the Woodsman's basically just going through the motions. Literally.

More trucking on down the road and you've the Cowardly Lion. I can't resist the pun and have it that he's effectively castrated. No cojones, if you'll pardon my Spanish. This'll probably require the Woodsman and Scarecrow standing on either side of behind the Lion, being a little coitus pep-squad.

Wicked Witch of the West sends flying monkeys to kidnap Dorothy, the bungling trio has to save her. I'm thinking there could be some Witch/Dorothy which seems a bit much, but it seems to lend a nice comedic angle if the trio are somehow above the witch trying to figure out how to save Dorothy, get rather excited about what they're seeing and, well.. that's not water that falls on the witch.

So! Witch gone, they hit Emerald City. The Wiz is the creepy old guy from the wagon (would it be too much to make the hot air balloon a bunch of connected blow-up dolls?). I've considered the idea of something here, but the Witch bit has more comedic potential so I'll resist the idea of some Wiz/Dorothy/Scarecrow/Tinman/Lion affair. Instead, the Wiz just kind've hand-waves the trio ("Yeah yeah, just grow a pair, Lion") so he can stalk Dorothy, who does the shoe thing and ends up back home.

Once home, you've got the "And you were there, and you were there!" speech, and then there's finally the multi-person affair since their Kansas personae aren't suffering from dysfunctions like their Oz personae are.

In effect, it's a similar motif to "Young Lady Chatterly II" in as how the main character just has lousy sex all through it until the end (save that Adam West shan't be in this like he was in YLCII. Yes, that Adam West. That's the only reason I saw it).


The Subject, by the way? Is from a very nice little Scorsese film "After Hours". Rosanna Arquette's character is talking with Griffin Dunne's character about an ex-boyfriend of hers who was obsessed with "The Wizard of Oz"; when the two of them would be having sex, he'd cry out at the climactic moments, "SURRENDER, DOROTHY!!" and she just couldn't take it after a while so she broke off the relationship.

PS: I'll probably test out setting the Adult Content rating to "Adult Concepts" in a few days. I'm leaving it Adultless at the moment, since so many folks don't seem to have their year of birth registered. I'm unsure if one can still click, "Yes, show me the adult concepts" even if one doesn't pass the age limit.
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